There are many things that go on in peoples lives that can affect their perception of events around them. Such as the state of their mental and physical health, their work environment, the quality of their relationships with friends, family and lovers, their Socio-economic status, their religious or spiritual affiliation, their cultural background, their gender identifiers, sexual preference identifiers, and of course their general experiences throughout their life to name a few. While it may seem like some of these influencers are things are not within your control the reality is that most of them are.
In the past I have butted heads with many people who expect me to apologize because they were offended by something I either said or did or a particular stance I took on an issue. My first response to them is usually that offending them was not my intention. They will usually come back with well regardless of what your intention was you did offend me. At that point I let them know that it is their choice to be offended or stay offended even if I have informed them that this was not my intention. Our choice about how we react or not react to what people say or do is exactly that our choice. It is about having control over your emotions and how you choose to publicly express them.
Peoples perceptions can be influenced by a myriad of circumstances and it is that person’s responsibility to learn how to cope with the things that influence them and not allow them to control them. When someone takes offense to something form me and deems what I have done as hurtful let’s say, then when I say to them this was not my intention they should at that point understand this new information they’re being given and assimilate that into their perception. But, what I find often times is that people resist the new information in favor of defending their usually irrational reactions to things. In other words they don’t want to acknowledge that they need to change their behavior overall on how they choose to perceive events, and to change their behaviors they must deal with the things that influence their behaviors.
Often times people don’t want to see that they could choose to act differently. In other words they could control themselves and be proactive about their response instead of being reactionary and choose to not have control over their response. I have made it a point to not apologize to people when they choose to miss conceive my intentions, which can make people extremely angry with me. The reality is I can’t apologize for something that I know I didn’t do and I won’t just apologize out of a fake sense of politeness. Fake apologies are only meant to feed the ego of a person who typically doesn’t want to bother to control their own reactions.
If I reflect on my actions and I see that I behaved inappropriately based on my influencers then I will legitimately apologize, but if I look at my actions and I understand that I had no ill intentions then I let the person know that. At that point the person I’m speaking with needs to accept that I meant no ill will and then allow that new information to change their viewpoint of the situation. If we don’t ask people for their perspective on their actions and we just determine their meaning without their input then we don’t really have any interest in the complete truth. When we do this we create false assumptions about the reasons behind peoples actions. Also from what I have observed it seems to be difficult for most people to confront someone in a respectful way without creating drama to gain clarification about the motivations behind their actions.
This is how simple misunderstandings can suddenly become giant spewing volcanic vents of ugly confrontation between people. Just to clarify if you are the one being offended it is your job not the other person’s job to ask clarifying questions to make sure you’re perceiving the situation correctly. Getting upset because people can’t read your mind or perceive your feelings is an irrational expectation. If you want people to know what your feeling express your thoughts and feelings to them. During these interactions try remember that if you expect to get respect from someone you must express respect to them. In other words express your thoughts and opinions with compassion and kindness with the hope that it shall be returned to you.
Once we figure out that we need to communicate openly and compassionately with others to obtain the missing pieces to the puzzle of our perceptions we will find the complete truth. Accepting the fact that we are accountable for certain elements that exist in our lives which influence our perceptions is key. Once we see and accept our accountability we can begin working to change or remove certain damaging elements that can cause our perceptions to be less than accurate. Remember how and why you choose to see something a certain way says more about you than it does about what you see.
Thanks for reading! 💗
Nameste! 🙏🏻
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