In this day and age with things like Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook I think a lot of people are getting a false impression about peoples lives. Today for my friends on Facebook I want to share some realities about my life, so that everyone can understand that behind all of the perfect pictures there are truths unseen. Keep in mind that online for each and every smile given and for every perfectly posed body seeming to look perfect there are harsh truths hidden. With my own Facebook I like to present all the positive things that are going on in my life with the idea that my positivity might be encouraging to other people. Yet, the reality is that most of my life have been filled with more fucked up tragedies then I care to admit. I wish to tell you some of these things in short just to give you an idea of what I live with so that you could know the truth behind the beauty of my photos. My wish in sharing some of my truths with everyone today is the idea that maybe these truths will be more encouraging to some than the beauty of those photos.
My childhood was full of abuse and neglect to the point where it affected my health permanently. As a young child I was neglected to the point of living with malnourishment, which caused me to have severe dental damage and it also helped to contribute to damaging my digestive system. Over the past 30 years I’ve had to deal with literally hundreds of hours of torturous dental work to maintain my teeth. I have also had several doctors appointments and surgeries to deal with ulcerative colitis, IBS and other digestive problems. The first major flareup that I had of ulcerative colitis about six years ago almost killed me. I literally threw up 10 to 12 times per day and the acid destroyed my teeth and towards the end I had blood coming out of both ends of me.
Before that I had my son’s dangerous and life-threatening birth in 2010 and now I live with permanent injury to my right hip and lower back, which has now turned into arthritis. I now have arthritis in three spots in my back and my hip, which makes movement painful. A while back I wrote an article about my birth experience with him, which shared my experience in all of its horrific detail, so I’m not going to share it all again. In short being pregnant and becoming a mother was one of the most traumatizing and damaging events of my life and for my son who also lives damage done to him from a lack of oxygen in the form of developmental delays.
In 2016 I separated from my husband due to domestic abuse issues and I got divorced in 2018, and during the divorce I lost my home and all the money that was invested in it and the business that I was starting at the time. Also during that divorce I was publicly shamed and ridiculed by the church that we were attending and that church chose to side with my ex-husband and his version of events regardless of the evidence. This organization’s abusive behavior towards me forced me to go through a period of spiritual reevaluation to determine whether or not I even wanted to practice the belief system that I had practiced for almost 20 years. In the end I decided to no longer associate myself with this group of people or any organization that allows their leadership or membership to slander each other’s reputations without repercussions.
Then there’s the fact that I currently live with a heart condition that seriously acted up last summer and landed me in a hospital’s cardiac unit for three days of evaluation. I have moderate bradycardia and eventually if it gets worse I will require a pacemaker. Currently I treat this with acupuncture treatments to keep the nerves to my heart doing what they’re supposed to be. I also wrote an article about this health condition, so I’m not going to get into anymore detail here. This injury to my heart occurred for a couple of reasons, #1 – enormous amounts of stress and #2 – impact blows to my chest not caused by a car accident. I’m sure you can guess where the impact blows came from, so I don’t really need to explain the circumstances under which they occurred.
Most of you may not know this, but I’m 42 years old and in my 42 years I have survived being horrifically neglected, molested, raped, mentally, verbally, emotionally and physically abused on multiple occasions and I’ve survived two surgeries, two childbirths and two serious medical conditions and depression, severe anxiety and PTSD due to all the abuse. Needless to say I have my scars and now I am trying to learn to live with them and accept the reality that they will never go away. Some of these scars make me live with chronic pain on all levels of my being mentally, emotionally and physically.
The reason I’m writing this today of all days is because today I went to my last dentist appointment at the office that I was currently going to. Today I had some 20 something dental assistant girl be a rude bitch to me and talk to me like I was dirt. The real reason she talked to me this way was because I chose to take getting my teeth done seriously and decided to schedule my own appointments instead of letting her do it, so that I could actually get it done. Well, as she put it I did not “take her directive” so she decided to lose her shit with me today and become completely unprofessional and inappropriate in her conduct. Needless to say I got my last filling done today, but under great distress and then when I was done I thanked the dentist for his kindness and compassion and then walked the fuck out. Then I went directly to the office and demanded to speak to the office manager.
I spoke very frankly and plainly to the office manager and I said that I don’t have to put up with some girl who feels the need to talk to me like I am dirt under her feet. I explained to her pretty much everything that I’ve explained to everyone’s here by writing this today. Of course I went on to say a few more things to further express to this woman the idea that I don’t have to go there and put up with this kind of bullshit, and that I have put up with enough bullshit in my life to the point where I am not putting up with with anymore. In other words I let her know that I have a zero tolerance policy for disrespectful or abusive behaviors and that I would not be coming back. I ended by expressing that this girl needed to learn something about professionalism and compassion and that as her manager she needed to reign her behavior the fuck in.
After my experience today I wish to share some ideas with everyone which are, “That nobody has any idea what really goes on in other peoples lives and that we should always act from a place of compassion, because they could be baring some extremely painful burdens that we cannot see. Also, the seemingly perfect beauty we see in the pictures online can hide devastation and suffering. All the years that I spent in a bad marriage while taking beautiful family photos taught me the reality that behind all those seemingly happy smiles can hide abuse and pain.”
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